I started a new job a couple of weeks ago. Which is amazing! But it is difficult and humbling to go from being knowledgeable and in a groove to learning a new industry, product, and team. Which can be.. ya know.. intimidating! This brings me to this week’s topic of being patient with yourself.
During my research, I got really sick of the platitudes. If you haven’t read my post about platitude abuse, it’s linked below. Just deciding to be happy and talking yourself into patience sounds great, but let’s be real - it takes time and self-examination. That sounded a bit harsh, but I’m more comfortable being honest with myself and others than thinking this is something that can change overnight.
Patience is a skill that is learned. Think about it - how many patient babies have you seen? It comes with experience and trust. As we get older, the nature of patience changes. Probably the most difficult thing is applying it to ourselves.
How many times have you called yourself stupid or dumb for making a mistake?
These little instances add up. With time you begin to believe it. And once you buy into the negative view of yourself, you become more impatient. It’s quite the slippery slope.
So let’s talk strategy.
Luckily we have access to professionals in this field! And there are ways to rebuild the patience skill and apply it to ourselves. As usual, I’ll provide a few suggestions that I found but it is not at all an exhaustive list. Hopefully, it’ll get us all thinking about how to be a little kinder to ourselves.
Acknowledge when you’re frustrated.
Acknowledgment is the first step to change in just about every aspect of life; patience is no exception. When we’re uncomfortable, we have a tendency to get frustrated with just about everything! By recognizing this in ourselves, we can start to look for the causes rather than lash out at others or beat ourselves up.
Slow down your mind.
Just like with anxiety, when your mind starts fixating on your failures it just starts racing. And a ping-pong brain leads to spiraling out of control which impacts so many aspects of health like sleep, problem-solving, and relationships. We’ve all heard about meditation, which is awesome, but there are other things you can do if you’re not ready for that. You can take a walk without your phone. Or you can set aside technology-free time before bed. Breathing exercises are another great way. WebMD has a good article with even more ways you can quiet your brain. https://www.webmd.com/balance/ss/slideshow-how-to-quiet-mind
Practice positive self-talk.
If you take nothing away from this post except this, I’ll be ecstatic! Negative self-talk is one of the most destructive behaviors yet is one of the most common. Especially when we are in situations that are stressful, such as starting a new job, we become super critical of ourselves.
Self-talk is one of the most powerful tools you have to build patience in yourself. Just as you’re convinced by others repeatedly telling you something, you can convince yourself! So why not make it positive? This takes some serious practice and is a life-long struggle.
Let’s see how this works in action!
Here’s a scenario that I’m sure most people have experienced. At work, you have been put on a new project with a new team. Earlier that day, you had a tough meeting where your coworkers couldn’t agree on how to organize the project. Later that afternoon, you’re talking to a coworker that you worked with on an old project. During this conversation, you blame yourself for not having better control over the meeting and not having a stronger plan ready at the beginning of the project.
Now let’s see how this could have gone differently with the few strategies we talked about. First, during the meeting, it could be productive to acknowledge that people were frustrated with each other. This could slow down the conversation and help everyone slow down their own minds. Second, as you reflect on the meeting later, think about the positives like what you did right. Next, remember that starting over with anything new requires time before it can run like a well-oiled machine and you are not an exception. Last, when you’re having that conversation with a previous project team member, don’t talk about what you couldn’t or didn’t do, but focus on what you and the team did do.
I’ll end this week’s post with this: be kind to yourself. There is so much going on in this world that is harmful and stressful - you don’t need to pile it on yourself. Remember, when that nagging voice that wants to tell you what you’ve done wrong, acknowledge it, slow down your mind, and tell yourself what you’re doing right. Give yourself the time it takes to build patience with yourself. You are worth it!
Articles & Resources
Four Steps to Developing Patience by Jane Bolton Psy.D., M.F.T.
How to Be Patient in an Impatient World by Mark Manson
How to Quiet Your Mind by Stephanie S. Gardner, MD
Image credit: Exploring your mind
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