Is it just me or is the word "empathy" a total buzz word right now? Seriously- I searched for the word on Google News. Yup - "empathy" is all over the headlines right now. So that got me thinking about the importance of empathy; not just during a heated election or a pandemic, but true empathy for others.
This is not going to be about the politicking of the word, but what empathy really means.
So, I wanted to know a bit more of a scientific or academic definition of empathy. Yes, there's the standard dictionary definition of experiencing feelings vicariously to commiserate with someone else, but there's more to it.
Empathizing with someone is not feeling bad for them or pitying them. It goes beyond simply seeing another's perspective, which falls more into the sympathy category. To me, empathy is the ability to connect at an emotional level with another.
Many times, we see someone in distress and we think 'I cannot imagine what that would be like' and we leave it at that. But empathizing digs a little deeper. Although I may not know exactly what the other person is experiencing, I have had my own experiences that I can draw from. The details may not be the same, but there can be similar emotions.
Why do some of us feel that we need to connect in this way? Or why do we want others to connect with us like this? What it boils down to is that we are a social species. We seek social support just because of the nature of what we are. True, some need it more than others but with few exceptions, we all crave empathy on some level.
During my research, I came across several articles from Psychology Today (because it's one of my favorite places to research), but one particularly called How to Be Empathetic broke empathy down in such an easy way to understand. Is it a trait that you're born with? Yes. Can you develop and grow to strengthen it? Yes. To make it super easy, the author provided nine steps for building stronger empathetic behaviors. I'll list them here for a quick reference, but I recommend you read the article!
Focus your attention on the welfare, interests, and needs of others.
Key into shared human values. (This is especially important right now due to the current pandemic, political landscape, and civil unrest.)
Suspend, temporarily, your own considered judgments and critiques. (This can be tough if you're not aware of your unconscious biases - but that's a whole other topic.)
Connect with the target.
Use Reflection. (This is a great tactic to make sure you understand the other person and for them to see that you're taking them seriously making them feel valued.)
Listen to the Target.
Use self-disclosure as appropriate. (The key here is to only use these statements or stories as a way to connect with their emotions. It's not about you at this point.)
Properly distance yourself to and from the target’s subjective world. (It's all about finding that healthy balance.)
Practice it! (If you're uncomfortable jumping right into making these changes start small. Practice is needed for any skill - empathizing is no different!)
And so, my friends, I'll end with this. The emotional connection we call empathy is powerful. It can change the world! I feel like the word is overused or misused in the media right now, but the happy side effect is that it's getting people to think about it. And that's the first step to change.
Be kind to yourself and others! Be patient with each other - especially in times like this when we all feel like we're walking on eggshells.
Articles that I found useful:
Do you have topic you'd like me to tackle? Please feel free to email me at mentalhealthmondays2019@gmail.com.
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