I’ve been thinking a lot about social media and how it has changed how we view the world and each other. I feel like one of the most dangerous change is how easy it is for us to compare our everyday selves to an ideal presented on someone else’s Instagram or Twitter feed. So I decided to do some digging.
Psychology Today calls this “the comparison trap” and it’s a thing. It’s totally normal for us to use the success of others as motivation for us to improve ourselves. That’s an utterly human tendency! But the bombardment of seemingly perfect skin, perfect bodies, and perfect lives makes it difficult for even the healthiest among us to keep it in perspective.
Add self-esteem issues and depression into the mix and it feels like a constant cycle of inadequacy.
I remember when I was younger, I was comparing myself to people I knew, not really celebrities. Luckily I didn’t have 15,000 Pinners, Grammers, and Tweeters constanstantly sharing how they had a great day baking 30 cakes that all looked like professionals did it while wearing gorgeous shoes and flawless makeup. I feel so bad for Millennials and younger generations that grew up with this during their most formative years! I can’t imagine the pressure that puts on them. And we know this is a contributor to the rise in more severe mental health issues earlier in life.
Let me first say - it is not easy to keep yourself grounded when your mind wants to automatically go to a dark place full of inadequacies. It has taken years and a lot of therapy to figure some of this out. But it’s worth the time to figure out because I’ve been able to gain confidence later in life that I lacked through adolescence and adulthood. And just a reminder, I am not a mental health professional, but just someone sharing what they’ve done to work through this.
One thing I do is follow very few celebrities on social media and pretty much no influencers. The celebs I do follow are beautifully flawed and embrace it, like Nick Frost or Rainn Wilson. People like that are real and aren’t afraid to use their status for good and for building people up.
Another thing I’ve done is accept that I never have, nor will I ever, be a supermodel. Which sounds kind of ridiculous until you stop to think about marketing for just about any product. My teeth will never be perfect. I have wrinkles (and refuse to botox or anything). I don’t have the rockin’ body of a 20 year old. On the other hand... I don’t have the pressure they have to look a certain way. I don’t have people interested in me because of my appearance rather than my intellect or quirky sense of humor. I can have a bad hair day and it won’t negatively impact my finances.
Probably the most important thing I do to not get stuck in the comparison trap is: I like myself. It has taken a long time to get to this place, but I can honestly say I like who I’ve become. I have earned my wrinkles! And yes - sometimes I post pictures of my out of control and awesome bed head hair. Why? Because it’s funny. And it shows others that it’s okay to not look like our best selves all the time. I like the fact that I surround myself with people that struggle everyday like me and that we can talk about it. I loved that I’m trusted enough to be someone that others can go to. That is more important to me than a flawless complexion or being sponsored to go on a trip to Europe.
Please, please remember - no one else can pull being you off! Although no one is special, we’re all unique. And that uniqueness is what makes you amazing. Don’t fall for the comparison trap - just be the best you!
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