I had a pretty profound experience yesterday that I would love to share. It was such an honest and heartfelt connection with a stranger in just a couple of minutes.
Socialization (in whatever form fits best with each individual) is one of our fundamental needs as a social species. Beyond just friendliness or manners, there is a connection that is more difficult to achieve. And yes - this is based on psychology and physiology. Our brains actually react differently when we truly connect with another person. The judgment zone of the human brain is where the temporal lobe and the parietal lobe meet, and this is what is stimulated when there’s a connection. We also experience an increase in oxytocin. This is because we feel safe, comfortable, and trusted.
And now, my story…
I entered my local Winco grocery store to take care of my weekly shopping. I had my earbuds in so I could listen to my audiobook (Ayesha at Last by Uzma Jalaluddin- I highly recommend it) and was kind of zoned out. An elderly man, I’d say in his early- to mid-80s complimented me on my beanie which is black with a rainbow heart embroidered on it. It was very difficult to understand him with his mask on him, but he really wanted to talk about my hat. So I thanked him and then he asked me where I got it. I responded that I purchased it online. Again, he complimented me on it.
The man walked into the store as I grabbed my cart and wiped it down. He had waited inside and got my attention once we were inside the store. He started to talk to me again, so I paused my book. I couldn’t understand him at first, so I leaned in and asked him to repeat what he said. This is when our conversation really started.
He asked me if my beanie was “for LGBT.” I responded that yes it was. The next question was whether I was part of that community. I responded that yes I was. He looked at me in the eyes and said “I am too!” His next question was really interesting; he asked if people were kind to me. Again, I responded that yes, they were. He responded that it was good to hear that.
We continued walking and he shared his story with me. He has been married to a woman for over 50 years. But it never felt right. It wasn’t until his daughter and son were older with their own families that he allowed himself to talk about it. He first talked to his wife. Her response? That she knew and that he needed to admit it & accept it for himself. His adult children, a daughter, and son, were supportive and proud of him. And even though he is still married to his wife, he is happy because he knows who he is.
And yes - I’m totally crying while I type this.
As we went our separate ways, I thanked him for sharing his beautiful story with me. He gave me a big smile that I could see under his mask. And he thanked me for listening and being kind to him.
This is an experience that I will never forget. Just those few minutes in the grocery store with a stranger that liked my hat. I am so humbled and honored that he chose to share that with me.
Be kind.
Be open.
Listen.
You never know what experiences you may have in everyday places.
Articles & Resources
Ayesha at Last by Uzma Jalaluddin
Psychology of Deep Connection by Judith E. Glaser, Psychology Today
The Psychology of Connection: The Art of Connecting with People from the Heart by unknown author, Exploring Your Mind
Image Credit: Flaticon
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