Happy International Women’s Day! And because of this auspicious occasion, I wanted to focus on a topic that disproportionately impacts women.
Have you ever said “oh I just got lucky” at work after you successfully managed a project? Or told a teacher that your child “didn’t get that from me” when they tell you that your child is one of the best mathematicians in their elementary school class? I’m sure we have all done something like this at some point in our lives - that’s totally normal. But what if you feel like that constantly about just about everything positive in your life? That, my dear reader, is called the imposter phenomenon or imposter syndrome.
Now, this is not a medical diagnosis - you won’t find it in the DSM-5 or get a prescription for it from your therapist. However, it’s common to have mental illnesses that contribute to imposter syndrome. The most common is anxiety, but depression and ADD or ADHD are usually present also. The most common demographic that falls into the imposter trap is women, especially women of color. We’ll get into the reasons why shortly.
“Imposter syndrome [is] the manifestation of internalized social expectations.” -Katherine Caflisch
What is imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is commonly described as someone that is successful (usually in a professional or academic environment) constantly feels like a fraud. Although they are successful and have proven that they’re capable, they don’t believe that they’re worthy of the praise or position. Because of the pressure they’ve imposed on themselves, they chronically doubt themselves. Another common symptom is living in fear of being outed or unveiled as a failure that’s undeserving of their position.
These feelings may be temporary, like when someone is promoted at work. But they can also be long-term, which is where it gets really dangerous. When a constant unrealistic standard is what someone compares themselves to chronically, it can lead to some serious damage. The fear interferes with their willingness to stretch themselves to grow. New challenges like a new job, applying for a promotion, or advancing in education becomes too daunting to even attempt.
What causes it?
In the articles I read this week, I felt like the causes of imposter syndrome can be grouped into 3 buckets: large-scale external causes, small-scale external causes, and self-talk. So let’s explore each bucket.
Large scale external causes
This bucket describes the systemic oppression of marginalized groups. This predominantly impacts women, people of color, and the LGBTQIA+ community. These groups constantly receive messaging that people like them traditionally aren’t disposed to be as good as another group (which is usually white males). Because they’re constantly feeling like an exception rather than the rule, these groups remain small, perpetuating the myth. This creates a lack of role models for the younger generations which leads to feelings of not being welcome or not belonging to that group. A common example of this bucket is: As a woman, I was hired for this position to fill a quota, not because I’m capable of success.
Small scale external causes
This bucket describes those causes that manifest in someone’s immediate community. This may be a boss or teacher that doesn’t show empathy during a difficult task or assignment. It’s common for these people of power to compare someone that is struggling to a high-achiever without looking at individual circumstances. Immediate community groups, like church congregations, that emphasize high praise for success and harsh criticism for failure can alienate not only those that failed but the largest population of the middle-of-the-road folks.
Families are probably the biggest cause in this group, whether or not it's intentional. Children and adults that fall prey to imposter syndrome commonly have one or two parental figures that begin setting unrealistic academic expectations from a young age. This is also common when there is an exceptional sibling; because they’re able to perform at exceptional levels, the other sibling may feel that no matter how well they do, they’ll never measure up.
Self-talk
We can be our own worst enemy, can’t we? Internalizing all of these external influences can convince you of your inability to be successful from a very young age. Think of how many times a child or adolescent in your life has said they were stupid or dumb when faced with difficult schoolwork. Once we slip into imposter syndrome territory, it becomes easy to downplay success or accomplishments as “just getting lucky.” We can also convince ourselves that a difficult task is just a test to see you fail, not an opportunity to learn new things and grow.
How do you combat it?
This is an easy trap to fall into but seriously challenging to get out of the longer it goes on. The good news is that there are some very simple ways to combat imposter syndrome! I narrowed down all of the suggestions I read about to 4 that were recurring and easy to implement. So here we go!
“Silence your inner critic” (Sheryl Nance-Nash). I just loved that phrase when I read it. When you begin fixating on your failures or shortcomings, shift the focus to successes. Successes can be small things like “I showed up for work today” or “I learned how to use a new tool” after you missed a task deadline. This is a mind-shift so it takes time to change! Be patient with yourself as you move that inner voice from critic to cheerleader.
Talk to someone you trust and will be honest with you. Talking about what a failure you feel like may not seem intuitive. But this is a good way to learn that the external perception of you doesn’t match the negative image you have of yourself! And then you begin to see that people you view as successful have also failed and worked through it. Talking to them about it will help you create your own strategies for overcoming your overwhelm.
Contribute to creating transparent and authentic environments. Ideally, work, home, and academic environments would be open to discuss challenges and how to overcome them. But we all know that’s not the case. There are a few things you can to help create this atmosphere though! One is creating a safe space for people to acknowledge failure. This will make people more comfortable with focusing on the lessons learned and what can be done differently in the future to avoid repeating it. Also, we need to be aware of how we talk to others - words matter! Along with that, we need to call out the behavior we see in others that may contribute to feelings of self-doubt in others.
Set realistic goals and expectations. It can be so easy to self-sabotage so let’s see what we can do to avoid it. For one thing, don’t set yourself up for failure by taking on too much. While it is good to stretch yourself in moderation, we all have mental, emotional, and physical limitations that we should consider. Now, if there’s something asked of you, like a side project at work, it may be too much for you to take on at that time. But this is a good opportunity to talk to whoever is assigning the task about what you can do to contribute. I’d venture to say that most of the time, they’ll appreciate your honesty and realistic expectations. The last suggestion is that you break down your goals into bite-sized chunks. Each time you check a box off that list, it’s time to celebrate! This doesn’t mean do something extravagant necessarily, it may be as simple as saying “good job, me” when you finish a small task.
I’ll end this week’s post in the immortal words of Stuart Smalley: You’re good enough. You’re smart enough. And doggone it, people like you!
Articles & Resources
Feel like a fraud? by Kirsten Weir, American Psychological Association
How to handle impostor syndrome by Jayne Leonard, Medical News Today
Imposter Syndrome by Psychology Today (no author credited)
Imposter Syndrome: The Truth About Feeling Like a Fake by Katherine Caflisch, American Society for Microbiology
Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome by Ruchika Tulshyan & Jodi-Ann Burey, Harvard Business Review
Why imposter syndrome hits women and women of colour harder by Sheryl Nance-Nash, BBC
Cover picture credit: Wonderday
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